Why?

Well, today is two more weeks before the big day. Nerves are really setting in for us. As the days get closer, I look at our daughter and sometimes doubt what we are about to do. Is it really worth it? She is so beautiful as she is. Can't we just leave it? WHY are we going ahead with it? We are not the only ones with these questions. These questions are posed to us by those close to us and who know Keziah very well. We are asked "Why remove it? We are so used to it. She is so beautiful just the way she is."




The key to these questions are the people that are asking them. They are being asked by people who know her very well; who see her on a regular basis. And we are thankful that people have accepted her for who she is; for seeing beyond the birthmark, although, I know it doesn't take long to get passed the birthmark because she has such a sparkling and happy personality.

However, as much as we are used to seeing Kez like this, many, many people are not. People that she meets in the store, malls, library, the park, you name it, she is around people who have never seen a birthmark like this. And so they stare. They point. They frown. They whisper or talk loudly "my goodness, did you see that poor girl's face?" or "wow, that is a big bruise on her face." The worst was when a group of people ran away because in their culture she is seen as cursed/bewitched. I am not lying. That really happened.

I understand most of these reactions (most, not all), as her birthmark is rare, but it can still be hard to see this happening to our little girl. And it is not something we want for her when she grows up.



And yet, we still struggle at times, whether we are doing what is best for her or not. We struggle with the thought that God made her this way, so should we not leave it? We struggle with not knowing what she will look like after it is all done; will it be so scarred up? Will it be distorted? I mean, we are talking about her FACE here, not her torso, which can be hidden by clothing. It is her face, the first thing you see when you meet someone. And from day one, she has had the most beautiful, precious face. Are we being vain by removing it? Are we feeding into the "perfection" trap, where you need to look perfect in order to fit in society? Should we wait until she is old enough and let her decide herself whether she wants it removed? Will she understand later in life why we did it or will she question why we "changed" her face?

So as the day gets closer, these are the questions that are running through our heads. Thankfully the question of how we will handle all this is answered: our heavenly Father is with us every step of the way. He has been and will always be. What comfort this is.

And so we move forward, knowing that although God created her with this, He also created technology that we may use. We know that, by removing her birthmark, she will not be ostracized; that the risk of getting melanoma on that spot is lowered and that she will still be beautiful, outwardly, but more importantly, inwardly. In the meantime, we will just take one day at a time, enjoying her as she is, watching her love her little brother with such sisterly affection.

First of many

We have been somewhat honest with Keziah, as to what is on her face and what will happen. We've briefly told her that one day the doctor is going to take her freckle off. We haven't gone into details with her, but of course, she has overheard us talking to others.

Last week, she came to me and asked if she had balloons on her head (that is how we were describing it to others....apparently she was paying attention :o). I told her she would. She then became very pensive and then looked at me with those big brown eyes of hers and asked, "Mom, it hurt?". Awww, darling. I was honest with her and said it will hurt but that Mommy and Daddy will be with her, holding her hand. And that God will be holding all of us in His hand. The next few days, she came up to me, hung onto my arm and then repeated the whole conversation to herself. It sounded like this:
"I have balloons on my head. It hurt, but mommy and daddy will hold my hand." And then she would go off to play.

Today, she told me she wanted to keep her freckle. What do I say to that?!


(picture credit to Chandra Vanderboom)

Today, Keziah also had her first appointment with the doctor to get ready for her surgery. It was a physical and she sure is a happy and healthy little girl. She weighs 30 lbs (I think some of my previous kindergarten students weighed that when I taught them!) and is 36.5 inches tall. I was asked (again) today by someone waiting in the doctor's office why Keziah wasn't in school. That is twice now people have thought she is 4! C'mon people!! :o) But yes, she is a tall girl. All went well at the doctor's, with only a bit of fear. The most exciting part for her was that she got to pee in a bottle! Whoever she met for the rest of the day was given that info from her, whether they wanted it or not!!

The tough part of the day was when she had to get blood taken. They tried her one arm and didn't get enough blood so they had to do it again in her other arm. She cried, hard. Her mom cried, softly. She was given stickers and a lollipop. Her mom was given 2 Kleenexes. Kez was a trooper and we are so proud of her!

Below she is showing off her owies and stickers.






Thank you for your comments and prayers. If you have any questions about any of this, feel free to ask them and we will answer them as best as we can.

It all started 2.5 years ago......

As most of you know, we were blessed through adoption with a beautiful baby girl, whom we have named Keziah Kristina. When she was born, we were not allowed to see her at first until we knew what was ahead of us. You see, Keziah was born with a congenital melanocytic nevus. It was considered large and it was on her head, forehead and cheek. The social workers wanted us to be fully aware of what that all meant if we were to continue on with adopting her. They talked with us, saying that if we were to go ahead with adopting Keziah, are we prepared for the stares and comments from others, the many surgeries that are in her future, her self-esteem issues that will come up with this. Are we ready to take home a "not so perfect" child? Are we ready to deal with a little girl who does not look like our "dream" daughter? Yes, these questions were posed to us. And you say "how could they?". But they had to, as they were not only keeping our interests at heart, but also little Keziah's. For if she were to be adopted into a home with a family that was embarrassed of her, that would not be healthy at all.

After listening to the social workers, we were still determined to see her and take her home as our daughter. We knew she was created for us, and we knew Who created her. We rested in the comfort knowing that God will continue to be with us, holding us every step of the way.

And now we are here, 2.5 years later. Has it all been peaches and fun? No. Have we had to deal with comments and stares? Oh yes. Did I handle it all well? No. Was I sad for my little girl? Yes, at times. Do I mind questions about her birthmark? Not all, depending on the tone of the question. Thankfully to this day, Keziah has no clue that others look at her in a strange way. When she was about 27 months old, she was looking in the mirror, and I pointed her birthmark out to her. She stared in the mirror as if it was the very first time she ever saw it! Since that day we call it her freckle. "Daddy, do you like my freckle?" she asked a few months ago :o)

In November 2011 we met with Dr. Zucker at Toronto Sick Kids. After seeing a doctor at MacMaster Hospital, a doctor who had never seen this type of birthmark before, we were greatly relieved to have met Dr. Zucker. Dr. Zucker is known for his work dealing with the type of birthmark Keziah has. In November, he gave us an outline as to what he will do. It was up to us WHEN we wanted to start with it. He was prepared to do it now or when she was older. We decided now is best.

And so, her surgery date has been set. It is scheduled for April 12, 2012. It was April 10th, but has been bumped to the 12th. The surgery will take about 4 hours, in which Dr. Zucker hopes to insert a tissue expander in her forehead and in her cheek. Keziah will be staying in the hospital for 3 or 4 days after. Then we will be commuting to Toronto every week to have these tissue expanders filled with saline, to stretch the skin. Once it is stretched enough (about 3 months later), she'll go in for a big surgery in which they'll take the expanders out, cut off a good chunk of her freckle and pull the stretched skin over where the birthmark was. Because her birthmark is large, she'll need some skin grafts after that yet. But let's just focus on one thing at a time.